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Do you ever feel like this?

I won't be entering vet school in the fall of 2008. I haven't decided what I will be doing yet. I feel burnt out. I'm not sure what I need to do next, but I know that vet school would be a waste of time and money right now. I feel like a year of doing something different would refresh me, and I could use it to strengthen my application.

I also feel kind of lost and hopeless. How the hell did I end up where I am in life? Why? I remember thinking when I was in high school, "If I can just make it to Virginia Tech, I'll study hard, go to vet school, everything will be awesome." Where the hell did I get that idea? Virginia Tech? Don't get me wrong, it is pretty amazing here, but where did it come from? Why vet school? I could've gone for computer science and had a useful degree in four years. What do you even do with an animal science degree? Plenty of things, I'm sure. I'll be looking for animal lab or management jobs. Maybe I'll do something with breeding. I could get along with a little field experience. Hell, I could just live in Blacksburg for a year or two. Even if my only animal work was volunteer, it doesn't take much to live comfortably in Blacksburg.

My other major plan, if not vet school, was grad school. It's different from what I'm doing, but probably not different enough. For now, I'm preparing for but not anticipating going that route. Time will tell.

I feel like writing something fun, but I'll post pictures instead. Phone camera is low-res. The first was taken at Kroger a few days ago, the second was the back side of a sign which read "CAUTION: RADIATION IN USE."

So apparently when you launch high-energy radiation at a chunk of flesh, there are side effects. I'm not too worried, but I'm getting it looked at anyhow. You can look too! Also the post directly below this one is new as well, so read both!

I'm excited! You can tell by my excessive use of the exclamation mark!

Classes are really taking it out of me. I'm graduating in the spring, but I occasionally wonder if I'll survive that long. (Pro tip: I'm not in any actual danger of dying.) I'm more than a little bit frustrated with my graduation requirements, and how many of them I have left. I'll spare you the details, but I end up having to take 18 credits in my final semester, whereas the intention is that a student will take 15 credits for 8 semesters and graduate right on schedule. I can't remember a 15 credit semester.

I turned 22 last weekend. It was relatively uneventful. I hung out quietly with friends. I always intend to get rested on weekends, but I never end up doing it. Oh well.

I finished my course of radiation. That means that I'm officially considered to be in remission, or whatever. The area is still a little pink, but that should clear up within a couple days. I'm still really sleepy a lot. I'm gonna have to talk to someone about that if it keeps up through the end of the week. It's way too early in the semester for it to be this hard to go to class, even an 8am.

Speaking of early in the semester, I'm back at Virginia Tech for what will hopefully be my last year. My schedule looks like hell, but at least I'm done by 5:30. I'll post a copy if I ever get around to making one, or else I won't.

The beginning of the semester is really expensive, and the fall more so than the spring. It makes me sad. I think I'll start working again on Monday. I ♥ my campus job.

I haven't kept up with the status of the cancer thing lately. I didn't have any new info for a while, and then I got busy dealing with the new information. When it rains, it pours, eh? I'm not sure what I said before, so I'm just gonna go over everything I know right now.

The lymph node removed from my left elbow had primary cutaneous anaplastic large cell lymphoma. It is a cancer of lymph cells that exist in the skin, not of the skin cells themselves. It's not the most aggressive of cancers and we did catch it very early, so the prognosis is extremely good. I'll be doing 4 weeks of radiation therapy to be sure that no cancer cells remain in the area of the biopsy. Beyond that, I'll be watching it closely and seeing the oncologist in January for a follow-up.

I also have a related condition called lymphomatoid papulosis. The jury is out as to precisely how it works on a cellular level, but it is similar to lymphoma except that it poses little threat to my health. There are only two problems with it. The first is that it causes small lesions on my arms and legs, each of which has a small chance to metastasize into a malignant lymphoma. The second is that while there are treatments, it's currently incurable. I can only monitor it and take care of any malignancies that develop as a result.

The radiation has been scheduled so that I can go back to school on schedule, though without much time to settle in. My first appointment is this afternoon. Hopefully life can go back to relative normalcy now.

Ten points if you can give the playwright, play, act, and scene that the title refers to. Points cannot actually be redeemed for anything.

I promised that I'd do an update by today, and seeing as today is drawing to a close, I figured I should do it! The good news is that my bone marrow sample came back negative. That means that the cancer has not spread into the marrow, which would be exceedingly bad. When I think about how bad things could be, I feel afraid. I feel so lucky to be in in the situation I'm in, all things considered.

The oncologist also mentioned a slim outside chance that the lymphoma diagnosis was a false positive. That would be incredibly relieving, but also terribly frustrating. I've lost my whole summer to this. Don't get me wrong, I would rather they tell me that I don't have cancer. I'm also glad that we're going to all the effort of being sure. I just wish the whole thing hadn't happened at all. I guess that kinda goes without saying

I'm pretty bored a lot of times. If you're in the Greater Rochester or Finger Lakes regions of New York (and I guess I could go as far as Syracuse) I'm looking for something to do.

Thirteen is the number of days that have passed since I was diagnosed with lymphoma. It feels like forever.