Collected Wisdom of the Ages
Occasionally people say really strange things.
You do not have my permission to be evil.
- Dr. Mackenzie
Better living through chemistry… and drugs!
- Dr. McMaster-Schuyler
The trouble with real life is that there are no fades to black.
- Dave
You can think of butterflies as flying gonads
- Dr. Frank
It is economists who determined why honeymooners eventually come outside
- Dr. Ellerbrock
Nobody likes hyperinflation
- Dr. Ellerbrock
Imagine the elevator is going up, and some joker cuts the cable. That's some prank, 'eh?
- Dr. Mazilu
Extension agents may help to produce or solve problems
- Dr. Wood
He's got a hole in his dipper.
- Dr. Hannigan
...things spurting out
- Dr. Hannigan
If you grind up a lamb...
- Dr. Hannigan
If you give people money, they'll spend it; on gasoline, and groceries, and dog food for the cat...
- Dr. Ellerbrock
It gets older in terms of it's age
- Dr. Hannigan
Actually, I'm lying.
- Dr. Mazilu
I guess now we know why the Titanic sank.
- Dr. Mazilu
This guy was writing about how laminar water was flowing in his sink. You've got to give it to him; it is very laminar.
- Dr. Mazilu
Now listen up, I'm gonna learn you somethin' here.
- Dr. Ellerbrock
I'm sure you've all done this before. Drenching people is loads of fun.
- Dr. Mazilu
You can't die without sound effects!
- Alex
I love Jesus, but I drink a little.
- Gladys Hardy, Austin, TX
Rocks are real.
- Dr. Ellerbrock
The universe is 'lumpy'.
- Dr. Ellerbrock
How did cave people eat mastadons without AK-47s?
- Dr. Ellerbrock
I love men's restrooms
- Greg Justice
Your arm would just be flopping around like a wet noodle.
- Dr. Jenssen
Usually she'll come out of it at about this point, turn around and say 'Food!' and that'll be it for him.
- Dr. Jenssen
Insects. Insects is where it's at.
- Dr. Jenssen
Ecology's gonna bend that over.
- Dr. Jenssen
Zero is a constant, but not all constants are zero. Pretty tricky, eh?
- Dr. Mazilu
So now I'm adding a little bit of salt. Actually, I'm adding a lot of salt.
- Physics film
A little algebra goes a long way
- Dr. Mazilu
I don't hate Russian brides or American men. I think they deserve each other.
- Dr. Milman-Miller
Y'all wanna kinda move toward the barn of death over there?
- Dr. Splan
Most things I tell you this semester will be wrong.
- Dr. Phillips
A note about cell phones: please don't turn them off. I never remember to, so maybe if other phones go off I won't feel so silly.
- Dr. Phillips
Really, today we're going to pretend we're each a big sperm.
- Katie
Actually, I don't think testes huddle.
- Katie
We want to protect those girly little spermatazoa.
- Katie
There are a lot of parts of the male reproductive system that are neat.
- Katie
The colliculus seminalis keeps guys from going while they're cumming.
- Katie
A lot of guys say, 'huh, I have a really long penis,' but actually they do.
- Katie
If I was that cute I'd be rich or famous or something.
- Dr. Phillips
I've got something else that has nothing to do with what we're talking about but I'll tell you anyway.
- Dr. Phillips
A sperm faced, alack and aloof,
his moment of sexual truth.
Expecting to fall
on some spongy wall,
he fell to his death on a tooth.
- Dr. Phillips